tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-253199622011-04-21T23:45:13.938Z... with lovers and friends I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living. In my life I’ve loved them all... /John Winston Ono Lennon (October 9, 1940 – December 8, 1980)Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.comBlogger571100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1153754606383843712006-05-29T15:21:00.000Z2006-07-24T20:41:30.736Z

A drunken encounter during my first year university Halloween party that morphed easily into something more intimate. Tall, and rugged with dark good looks; blessed with a self effacing intelligence. I often think of him.

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148851625354435452006-05-28T22:24:00.000Z2006-05-28T21:27:05.366Z

... has enriched my life immeasurably. Intelligent, funny, warm, cuddly, generous. A master of lateness and faffing. A catalyst. Through him I have met people I cannot imagine life without. Least of all the man himself...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148758059307327312006-05-27T20:24:00.000Z2006-05-27T19:27:40.233Z

... would arrive with videos and Lucozade when I was ill. Unusually thoughtful acts at 15 years old. The brother I never had. In a narration of my teens undoubtedly a key protagonist of the story...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148652837710189112006-05-26T15:11:00.000Z2006-05-26T14:13:57.740Z

... was flatmate / friend of Graham. He introduced me to the exotic cuisine of Scotland, haggis! Bruce came out to me, despite our fledgling friendship, hoping I would pave the way for his admission to Graham...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148559657793423062006-05-25T13:15:00.000Z2006-05-25T12:26:38.993Z

... and I were friends in school. We lost touch. Found each other. Fell in love. He broke my heart in a way I hadn't previously experienced. Causing Katrina to name him as "That Spineless Arsehole"...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148487184089583072006-05-24T17:10:00.000Z2006-05-24T16:13:04.103Z

... and I lived happily not together-together for 4 years. Achieving companionship rarely found and never repeated. Almost morphing into one being. When he left to discover 'the world' his space could never be filled...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148483867994187862006-05-23T16:14:00.000Z2006-05-24T15:17:48.006Z

... always cut a rather dramatic dash. Tall, slender and sporting a head of short dreadlocks that somehow defined him. Creative, worldly, well read and dynamic beyond comprehension. His hyperactive personality was endearing, in small doses...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148480023128562312006-05-22T15:11:00.000Z2006-05-24T14:13:43.186Z

... died far too young. Official verdict was death by drowning. The unofficial verdict included the fatally cataclysmic heart defect. His death ended our regular tennis 'tournaments' and left an eternally sad imprint on my heart...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148477761834356262006-05-21T14:33:00.000Z2006-05-24T13:37:41.553Z

... is my spiritual soul mate. Cut from the same fabric of life. Intelligent, funny and forthright. We drunkenly 'pacted' to be each others "plan B" knowing entirely that would never be enough for either of us...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148476641430079702006-05-20T14:10:00.000Z2006-05-24T13:17:21.446Z

... moved to the other side of the world to find herself a new life. Now a 'Mrs' with a new future ahead. Straight talking, dependable. Travel companion and friend of the highest quality. Missed greatly...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148475697790348462006-05-19T12:50:00.000Z2006-05-24T13:01:37.806Z

... appeared from the haze of the dance floor. Into my hand he pressed his hastily written note: declaring me a "dancing goddess" and urging me to call him as he would be "waiting for me"...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148474564487857622006-05-18T12:37:00.000Z2006-05-24T12:44:03.266Z

... and I lived so close by, her parents house became my second home. Generous of spirit and a natural home-maker. Time reduced us to Christmas card friends though I often think of her still...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148473981790758222006-05-17T12:14:00.000Z2006-05-24T12:34:29.110Z

... is Steve's partner, a total fun magnet, a shot drinker extraordinaire, a complete honey and the only man I know that can carry off angel wings and a glitter halo like he really means it...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148401096830162002006-05-16T16:16:00.000Z2006-05-23T16:18:16.843Z

... is like a champagne hand-grenade. She explodes with personality. Promises wild excitement, delivered with panache. She's loyal, generous and a force of nature. Caught in her slipstream just buckle up and enjoy the ride...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148399642295852042006-05-15T15:50:00.000Z2006-05-23T15:55:54.966Z

... is dry, witty, quarrelsome, generous, loyal, moody, headstrong and gay. He's his own take on the Seven Dwarves. He's my partner in many a crime (mostly food/chocolate related) and I love him dearly...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148388938925224492006-05-14T12:53:00.000Z2006-05-23T12:55:38.940Z

... was David's best friend and holiday companion. Equally stunning but displaying a certain aloof quality on the edge of rude. I sensed that he hung with us more for his friend's benefit than his own...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1148387606914036202006-05-13T12:15:00.000Z2006-05-23T12:35:04.556Z

... was my favourite teacher. He skimmed that fine line between 'friend' and 'teacher' because of his affable nature. He showed me Florence for the first time. Inspiring me to be the creative person I became...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147860037893382122006-05-12T10:55:00.000Z2006-05-17T10:00:37.906Z

... was the obligatory school 'odd kid'. She never spoke and stood on the sidelines sporting a strange smile. I guess things changed; Years later I saw her in full conversation, making up for lost time...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147858342204430862006-05-11T09:18:00.000Z2006-05-17T09:32:22.213Z

... is funny and charming. The type who knows how to get away with stuff armed with nothing but a smile. Like cheekily adding his photo and number to my phone when I wasn't paying attention...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147710586896536952006-05-10T16:28:00.000Z2006-05-15T16:30:51.383Z

... is Jackson's baby brother. He's at the beginning of his path in life, his latent potential in the world has yet to be explored. All wide-eyed wonderment, easily procured smiles and life-affirming innocence...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147266342255808482006-05-09T12:50:00.000Z2006-05-10T13:05:42.270Z

... has to be involved in everything. Her head pops up, Meerkat-esq, sniffing out the current scoop. Implying others are incapable. Undoubtedly just her 'way' although I doubt she realises quite how annoying it frequently becomes...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147265315232205142006-05-08T19:57:00.000Z2006-05-10T12:48:39.116Z

... was quite possibly the best boss ever. Approachable, fun, generous, smart and endlessly capable. Three different companies, one boss (yes, that good I followed him). Quickly becoming a friend/confidant rather than just my manager...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147262020611416112006-05-07T20:33:00.000Z2006-05-10T11:53:40.626Z

... was eternally picked upon. The butt of cruel comments courtesy of the immature males in the class. She fought back with verbal and physical aggression which I suspect did nothing more than fuel their cruelty...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1147260923606698202006-05-06T09:25:00.000Z2006-05-10T11:35:23.616Z

... and I would play for hours. And sit under the dining table, a makeshift den, discussing the trials and tribulations associated with being 3 years old. Does it matter that only I could see him...?

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146825452762496592006-05-05T10:21:00.000Z2006-05-06T08:34:39.333Z

... appeared both lost and frustrated. All he wants is to return home to his country but he lacks the means. Homeless by situation rather than choice. He was genuinely surprised that he wasn't 'invisible' to me...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146698280557014592006-05-04T00:15:00.000Z2006-05-03T23:22:36.486Z

... is all dimples and Gaelic charisma. Damaged by the faithlessness of another he's beginning to appreciate the freedom he is now presented with. But he doesn't realise the true heart-stealing charm he possesses...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146673711818693932006-05-03T16:27:00.000Z2006-05-03T16:28:31.830Z

... and I would sit telling ghost stories in the half-light of her parents cellar. She was the sister I never had. Best friends from the age of six. Inseparable as little girls can be...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146671535151957042006-05-02T10:55:00.000Z2006-05-03T15:53:05.820Z

... the only man I know who despite living in America for 20 years still maintains his East-End geezer accent to perfection. He carries his ginger hair and very 'English-ness' with flair and aplomb...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146511913421955442006-05-01T19:17:00.000Z2006-05-01T19:31:53.423Z

... was a tanned, deliciously lithe beauty. He mastered diving seductively into the cool water of the pool. His suggestive smiles were proffered as only the French know how. Intent on being noticed, his plan worked...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146510993568872072006-04-30T23:59:00.000Z2006-05-01T19:16:34.606Z

... frequently found fault yet rarely recognised her own. Her condecending ways with strangers left others, not her, shamed. Pontificating, her speciality. Our shared past was more against us than one that would bind us forever...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146432703831188882006-04-29T23:59:00.001Z2006-04-30T21:49:04.653Z

... is motherly, sometimes. Exasperating, often. Portuguese, always. She worries and protects. She guides and cares. She's the voice in my head and the presence in my life. She's the foundation for the very essence of me...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146415576933044192006-04-28T23:59:00.001Z2006-04-30T20:56:00.956Z

... was my grandfather that I, sadly, barely remember. Although I'm often reminded how he doted on me. In my minds eye I can still see him, sitting in his chair, just weeks before he died...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146175761805492952006-04-27T23:59:00.000Z2006-04-30T21:50:09.903Z

... saved my mother from the potential of lonely twilight years. Quiet and studious. His patience knows no end. We share knowing glances on occasions, as he too understands my mother's wonderfully varied way with words...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146061828946530862006-04-26T15:36:00.000Z2006-04-26T23:26:51.726Z

... is a father in name only. He left before I began to walk. Our connection is fractured and feeble. His eyes see not me only my mother. My eyes see not a father only impotence...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1146056203479900602006-04-25T23:59:00.000Z2006-04-26T12:56:43.840Z

... father of Ben. Master of the inappropriate. At his son's wedding, as I danced with him (at the mercy of his wandering hands), he declared to me: "ahh, if only I were 20 years younger"...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145880655917774312006-04-24T18:40:00.000Z2006-04-24T17:42:37.346Z

... was so fixated on the business she forgot where she started. Making crushing demands on us all. Such an uptight, workaholic, borderline neurotic. When her husband left her for someone 'different' our surprise was minimal...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145794235734973692006-04-23T11:51:00.000Z2006-04-23T12:12:22.336Z

... was my tight-trousered, long-haired, metal-god, lover. A non-smoking, teetotal, sweet-tempered enigma. Ben had the sensibilities of a thoroughly good boy with the alluringly exotic packaging of a decidedly bad boy...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145790402309950052006-04-22T12:59:00.000Z2006-04-23T12:32:01.266Z

... brings 'melodrama' to life. Overbearing though essentially well-meaning. With a wine-fuelled perspective in constant flux. Seemingly never content. To her the grass is always much greener on the other side of the fence...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145614387985357442006-04-21T10:12:00.000Z2006-04-21T10:13:07.996Z

... and I were inseparable one long hot summer. We rode the pavement on 'boards and built strange things with sticks and tape. A roguish, blonde, blue-eyed devil with the disarming charm of an angel...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145539439476799082006-04-20T13:16:00.000Z2006-04-23T12:54:06.080Z

... is quiet, contemplative and unassuming. And then he'll say something that leaves me hanging on his words. I imagine him the source of Plato's declaration "a wise man speaks because he has something to say -"...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145389621120846682006-04-19T09:46:00.000Z2006-04-19T08:40:25.586Z

... dated David before I did. All bleach blonde crop and red lipstick. Her appearance exuded a status more 'grown-up' than mine. Initially a source of great intimidation. Until I realised she wasn't that different...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145383208104387202006-04-18T20:22:00.000Z2006-04-18T21:12:17.113Z

... real name, Joan. Use it and she won't answer. Headstrong. Independent. Foster mother to many cats. She's me, but older. Jo will always be many, many, things to me. She's an inspiration. And my aunt...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145383073944430832006-04-17T12:00:00.000Z2006-04-18T19:31:45.790Z

... sidled up at the blackjack table. I knew at once I was powerless. After a brief interlude (3 weeks) he confessed his true status (separated). Our time was succinct. He eventually returned to his wife...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145383037585333902006-04-16T12:00:00.000Z2006-04-18T18:55:54.650Z

... lived next door when I was young. Shy and reclusive. I rarely saw her. And we never knew her full name. But she gave sanctuary to our cat. Presumably from the madness of our house...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1145382845600328382006-04-15T12:00:00.000Z2006-04-18T21:15:46.456Z

... hit my consciousness like a supernova. I knew at first glance that we'd be friends. She was often on the wrong side of crazy. But then crazy caught up with her. And she bearly survived...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144958322149341292006-04-14T00:01:00.000Z2006-04-13T22:56:06.640Z

... stole my heart age 11. Eight years he held it without care. Tall, blonde, everything my teenage self desired. But at 19 I'd matured and understood precisely his worth. Exactly then he finally realised mine...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144937734617228992006-04-13T14:14:00.000Z2006-04-13T21:28:08.660Z

... had the eyes of a porcelain doll and a dancer's body. She used both to her best advantage, often. I recognised her confidence and vulnerability. But to a casual observer only the confidence shone through...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144678849824712832006-04-12T09:41:00.000Z2006-04-12T08:35:48.946Z

... black sheep and catalyst of dark family secrets. At the time I was too young to understand the repercussions of it all. Generous. Somewhat shady. And undoubtably weak. Patrick, also known as persona non grata...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144422607800443562006-04-11T09:29:00.000Z2006-04-11T08:24:40.310Z

... was my great-grandmother. A quiet matriarch. When I was young I believed she'd live forever. At 104 she told me "they think I'm senile, but I'm not". At 108 she took her last breath...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144420096638694012006-04-10T06:36:00.000Z2006-04-23T12:54:32.636Z

... a blind date gone wrong. Wrong in that we were together too long. And during that time he continually surprised me with his verbal and physical abuse. Once I understood he'd never change, I left...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144364948652695082006-04-08T23:26:00.000Z2006-04-09T00:06:19.613Z

... has an exotic beauty. When he looks at me with his Mona Lisa smile it's like he's seeing my soul. Such potency at three years old. Just imagine the power he'll have as an adult...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144358223891414992006-04-07T23:19:00.000Z2006-04-07T23:21:12.296Z

... once said something that made absolute sense: "I'm not trying to figure out what I want to do. I'm eliminating what I don't want to do". She provided perfect clarity, exactly when it was needed...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144360331962519242006-04-07T06:03:00.000Z2006-04-07T06:04:43.170Z

... a beautiful, dark-eyed Spanish man. I'll always wish I'd had confidence to admit to him that I like him. Still, even now, when he smiles it makes my heart beat with a different rhythm...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144316757497895582006-04-06T09:04:00.000Z2006-04-06T09:45:57.553Z

... is actually just a friend. He has a predilection for vodka that makes him mostly entertaining. But sometimes, not. He said "c'mon... let's go and have violent sex". Hmmm... really unappealing to me however presented...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144174681939787432006-04-05T06:32:00.000Z2006-04-05T06:40:22.583Z

... my beautiful, younger, half-sister. I struggle to maintain a connection with Charlotte. There's a 17 year age gap. I love her and I'll always be here for her. But we're almost a generation apart...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144145387211915262006-04-04T10:06:00.001Z2006-04-04T10:14:23.956Z

... was my first love. Kind and gentle. He drove a VW Beetle. We were together for what seems like ages (at that age). He cried when we split up and I'll always regret causing that...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25319962.post-1144103750400747882006-04-03T22:17:00.000Z2006-04-03T22:38:21.093Z

... was my grandmother. When I was younger she cared for me while mom was working. She was warm, loving and incredibly patient. She died many years ago. I wish she'd known me as an adult...

Caroline Natashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05439744874584311014noreply@blogger.com5